Lake County Motorist

Suburban Chicagoland commuter and motorist weblog

Energy-Savvy ‘Super Car’ Runs on Road Rage

Detroit has answered consumer groups’ complaints that not enough energy-efficient cars are being marketed, with a new super car that runs on road rage.

“Road rage is the most prevalent energy source on today’s urban highways,” says Pete RePeat, of Detroit Auto Company.

Road rage has an advantage in that it is made here in the USA, by local producers. Carbon emissions are relatively low, and the energy source appears to be boundless. The super car will utilize energy-efficient technology, so that a little rage will go a long way.

Rage will also power the vehicle’s other systems, such as two cell-phone chargers, four DVD players, and a 50,000 watt stereo system.

RePeat won’t disclose details of the “revolutionary” Rage Harvesting Technology that will be used to harness the road rage, because worried that “competitors” will “swoop in” and “steal” the “idea”. He does hint that the technology may be similar to that used to store solar energy so that the lights stay on even after sunset. Otherwise, the motorist would have to produce a near-constant stream of road rage in order to get around, something a few motorists may find challenging to do.

RePeat acknowledges that a vehicle running on rage may require additional safeguards against said rage in order to protect the motorist and others sharing the roadway. “We’re considering some sort of throttling system,” says RePeat, “so that in case of an energy surge, the car’s entire body goes transparent, revealing the motorist’s dirty floor mats and taking away all sense of entitlement to reduce the motorist to a vulnerable embarrassed baby.” This is where the energy reserves kick in, powering the car to safety.

Car Expert Jes Floorit is impressed by the car’s promise. “It sounds like some sort of super-car,” he gushes. “I can’t wait until it comes on the market!” Asked if he would buy one, Floorit was non-committal.

RePeat has no estimate of when the vehicle will be in production, adding that it will be “when we doggone well feel like it!”

Lake County Routes to be Renumbered: This Time, With Decimals

Gilmer Road, alternately known as Routes 76 and 26, will now be numbered 51. The new numbers will be a mathematical average (a.k.a. “mean”) of the previous numbers, dubbing some to refer to them as the “Mean Streets of Lake County”.

“Those meddling kids were getting too close to solving the mystery of our route numbers, so we had to foil them,” says a source who wished not to be named.

Throughout the county, planners are estimating additional costs due to training relevant personnel that Route 76, Route 26, Route 51, Gilmer Road and “the road that runs behind Aunt Suzie’s house” are all the same thing. Fortunately, GPS technology reduces everything to a set of numeric coordinates. Upon realization of this, an official was overheard asking how feasible it would be to have Route 42.977672651 constructed and opened by Fall 2009.


Happy April First!

Filed under: Technology

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